ideas & inventions

We (really) need a phone app that lets you know when the light changes to green when you are texting in your car.
 

IDEA: A bed that is also a hair dryer
 

IDEA: Book a Cook: A group of people who will come to your house and make any dish pictured or shown in any of your gorgeous cookbooks.
 

IDEA: When you drive onto the cuts that the highway department makes ruts in a road to signal you are drifting out of your lane or onto the shoulder, it makes a certain tone in your tires depending on how far apart the cuts are and how fast you are driving. What if those cuts were cut differentially so as to make a song?

In the future you could even have a three-mile (three-minute) highway that with elaborate computer enhancements could play you the tune of your choice.
 

Idea: If you are going to burn your candle at both ends be sure to first bend it into a u-shape.
 

Idea: golf polo. Use the carts of mechanical golf and have two holes one at each end of the fairway. [from Tom]
 

Idea: all mechanical golf. Drive in the cart and shoot from the cart, with a controller.
 

This is a question worth not-answering.
 

Idea: Nativity scenes of the actual birth: Mary has her legs up and baby Jesus' head is crowning, with a little tiny halo.
 

Idea: animated tattoos, perhaps a programmable screen embedded under the skin. Eventually this may be activated by subconscious signals or brain waves.)
 

Idea: Dalai Lama fortune cookies
 

Idea: a personal nose freshener for those time you are smelling the humans. Insert it in your nose and the world is strawberry. One might also consider Anti-snuff: snort your air freshener.
 

Idea: a men's urinal that is adjustable up and down. It can then be smaller. It would splash less.
 

Idea for a book: different thoughtful people who have lived a long time and noticed the changes in their lifetime.
 

Whipping cream is the new bacon.
 

My daughter takes at least one hundred pictures of her daughter a month. This is over 1,200 a year or 20,000 over the life of the child. And this does not count movies. The pictures are seldom printed out and placed in photo albums. So how will these be used in the future? Perhaps a device that has an iPod dial to dial though the thousand of pictures by time, or (using future AI) even sort by subject matter or by persons in the photo.
 

Idea project: a staircase where the stairsteps are made of embedded video screens.
 

Could we build an artificial Mt. Everest?
 

Idea: Turn a popular song into a concert hall piece with an orchestra, a choruses and singers. Candidates would include Cesarie Evora Carnival De Sao Vicente, Tamia Stranger in My House (HQ2 Mix), Black Eyed Peas Shut Up and Amy Winehouse Rehab
 

Idea: Beyond Twitter. I want Stephen Pinker to talk to me, to come over not as a written sentence but as a sound pipe-up. (Twaddle? Babble?)
 

Idea: A modern multi-media church playing Bach all tricked out in high definition multi-media.
 

Idea: Since I love the pictures of food in modern cook books and since I spend much more time flipping through cookbooks than I ever do cooking, why not a cook book without recipes. Just gorgeous pictures, perhaps arranged as a meal.
 

Idea: A phone 'case' that turns you tiny cellphone into a big older phone (a handset or a satellite phone with an antenna.)
 

They need a Stepfathers' (and a Stepmothers') Day as well.
 

colored hubcaps on cars.
 

Bring a movie out without any trailers.
 

Idea: A special code for silent night texting when we don't want the other person's phone to ring.
 

Idea: a onesie with the saying: Get a Life!
 

Idea: a clock that run deliberately slow.
 

Idea: a movie that is hyper-realism of ordinary life: driving a car, bathrooms, eating... analogous to photorealism in painting: movierealism.
 

Another part of the abortion"debate" could be a book of sad stories of unwanted children.
 

Idea: map of world over time: What did the people who lived here have for breakfast?
 

Another idea: map of world over time: How did the people who lived here live.
 

When writing philosophy, highlight all the abstract words.
 

New Book Title: How to Stop Being a Bitch for Bitches
 

How about an app that does not only tell you when friends are near but when potential friends are near. Actually this would not work much better than on-line relationship matches.
 

Idea: a non-Hindu modesty dress. Perhaps a sexy modesty dress?
 

Idea: a non-Arabic habib.
 

Idea for car dealerships: hire a bunch of tow-trucks to tow your competitor around town.
 

Idea: girl scout slut badges, or slut charm bracelets
 

Idea: wheelchair vacation tours for seniors. The seniors are wheeled about Europe in their wheelchairs. (One can imagine a movie based on this. I leave the details as an exercise for the reader.)
 

Idea: the antibabelfish – a device that turns all English into soothing gobbledygook.
 

IDEA: the advice button/doll. A button or a pull-cord doll into which you can record a series of sentences that get played back randomly as you hit the button or pull the string. This would be useful for the words of advice that comes from Mamma.
 

Idea: Hugeville: big robots the size of our parents will take care of us in a larger-than-life setting.
 

Idea: a trailer that plops on the ground, so old people not have to climb up into it.
 

Idea: a sport where the rules are so complex no one understands them but a computer.
 

Idea: a charm bracelet for various adult vices. It could contain a cocaine spoon, a peyote button, a bong, a MILF
 

Idea for a happier world: the six day week.
 

Bring back the bustle, or at least a costume that tuns into this, and other retro fashions
 

useful idea: a "tenting" mechanism for your trousers (to show how much you care)
 

The manly parasol: a large baseball hat on a stick
 

In today's world a mountain should have a dedicated Twitter feed on top.
 

Idea: a cellphone with a rotary dial.
 

IDEA: a book reports on every book on Wikipedia
 

All Christian minister should have to state what other Christian denominations also assured its parishioners of going to heaven.
 

Put human beings in charge of running traffic lights. Think of them as artisan, handcrafted stop lights, or as Light Masters.
 

A video of game of Karma, where the whole point is to achieve Moksha.
 

IDEA: What if we divide books into being either for entertainment or for research. You can make money off the ones for entertainment. The others are in public domain.
 

Great Idea for a capitalist website: Do You Like Me Now? As you buy that cool new (powerboat, car, dress, furniture, house) people can go online and apply to be your new friend. You will get together to enjoy your new material acquisition. Win-win!
 

IDEA: a program to highlight abstract words in a document, and suggest replacements. (words like "history" or even "food")
 

IDEA: a CD player that creates a MP3 file on the side.
 

Idea: Facelessbook™: where you relate to people through interesting inner life and you can never find out who they are! Facelessbook™ deliberately keeps your identity hidden so you can say anything you want to. The ephemeral thoughts you can just sometime catch as they go through your head. why did I think that? Post the things you did, you thought, you wrote, the dreams you place on hold. And you would have friends based only on a personal interest.
 

IDEA: non-fiction books sould come pre-highlighted
 

Idea: a jargon highlighter, a program which would highlight your words, or beep, whenever you used jargon words.
 

IDEA™: No one graduates college without having drug experiences. Such an experience demonstrates how much of our perception of the world is determined by us, and is part of the larger awareness of how much of our judgments of the world are built into us. We start life in youth as an external judgment machine.
 

IDEA™: a video "mute" on the TV Linda thinks it could be called a Blind button.
 

IDEA™: a lo-key news channel. A bunch of smart, calm people sitting about trading and thinking about the news stories that come across. While they are doing this they smoke and drink. But they are pulled off the air after they are drunk. "Bob lasted 52 minutes today, Good work Bob." "Ted had to leave after 7 minuted for inappropriate language, and Barb's blood pressure was too high after half-an-hour."
 

I have always wanted to see see Poulenc's Stabat Mater in live concert. Google comes up empty on this. So a Web-Site Idea would be for a site that gathers and presents all upcoming concerts and performances around the world of pieces of composed music, most of which is not played on any regular basis at all.
 

Idea: An Interesting Festival (Don't come unless you are interesting.)
 

Idea: A Festival of Conviviality
 

Idea: a man's suit made out of the orange plastic fabric that the road workers wear.
 

A middle-finger postage stamp
 

Idea: underwear with pockets (For old men who like to walk around in their underwear.)
 

There should be a television show that shows us ideal people: But not be the politically correct ideal people. Let artists and poets and thinkers create whatever they think may be an ideal person.
 

cars that change colors. Chameleon cars
 

Spiritual penance as physical exercise. You have sinned so you must do an extra workout this week.
 

Idea for a book: A list of people who almost but never made it, who died at the last minute before they achieved something.
 

Idea: A Shut-the-Fuck-Up Day, where you go about your business without talking at all.
 

Idea: a national Pretend I'm a Plant Day. People can look at you, touch you, and smell you.
 

Idea™: Cigarettes and cigars shaped like penises, with little paper balls.
 

Idea: a perpetual hour glass (like the perpetual waterfall devices)
 

Concept for a New Restaurant: if you are dining alone, you could get a gifted conversationalist to sit with you. (Poor people would have to bring their own.)
 

We should take the iPod to the ultimate level: We will the have not only ear buds, but also eye-buds, nose-buds, mouth buds (taste-buds) and touch buds. (You could program the feel of a gentle woman caressing you.) We won't have to talk to each other at all! Finally we'll be god!
 

I mention my latest Holiday Idea™ to Tom: to stick a colorful Christmas bow on your jacket. Tom suggests I just stick it on my forehead, or around the neck — as a bow tie!
 

Since people will often click around for the best weather report, a local news station could advertise that: We provide the least scary weather report. We will speak to you as an adult.
 

Idea: a sweater with a glowing pulsing pattern, especially one that can focus over the heart. Control this and you can be like the chameleon, displaying your moods in changing colors.
 

Idea for a hip Christmas tree: a totally black tree, with black lights.
 

A parenting class on how to avoid having your child become just like you.
 

A cool-ish name: Proliffany
 

Watching TV I gather my thoughts about the kind of cable channels that I would like in my personal universe:
  • a poetry channel
  • a philosophy channel
  • museum art talks
  • over 70: a channel devoted to intellectually interesting people over 70
  • the intelligence channel
  • college groups and clubs
  • YouTube TV - the good stuff, in Hi-Def
  • the Meta Channel - a channel that analyzes TV itself, and (I see problems here) commercials
  • A World Series of insight? enlightenment? or profundity?
  • A World Series of prayer?
  • The Best 5 Minute Synopsis (of Wittgenstein, Hume, Einstein)?
  • One-Minute Lectures
  • A Great Lesson on [whatever]?
  • The Nothing Scripted Channel
  • Conversation with Strangers (People rate it, and defend their rating system.)
  • (for the kids) Smarty Pants™
 

Idea: a toaster that will toast your picture on your toast.
 

Idea: a phone you can eat.
 

Domino pizza cars have a plastic sign magnetically stuck to the top of their cars. What about having one of those to advertise yourself, with says the word "philosophy"?
 

Computer Idea: a file manager (like Windows Explorer) with tabs.
 

Computer Idea: a combination word processor, web browser, and reader — It simply turns a web page into a word document, and vice-versa.
 

Another Event in the Olympics of Multitasking™: carry on two cell phone conversations simultaneous on two cell-phones, lucidly and gracefully.
 

idea: spiritual advice bloopers
 

Idea: a pin-on crest for your jackets.
 

Idea: a misspelling program which takes fancy polysyllabic text and misspells it. (to be one with the people.)
 

Idea for a book: Things To Do While Waiting In Line
 

Idea for a book: How to think with a computer.
 

HTML browsers should have a reading mode.
 

Design idea: a big sweatshirt with hi! written on it.
 

Idea: a little thing you have in your car so when you come out of a store a little device points to where your car is.
 

Idea: a cell-phone service would be to send you periodically a pre-recorded call that would guide you through a cell-phone conversation that would make you interesting to the people around you. "No honey, don't marry the Italian soccer star!" Other scenarios might include:
  • you wife has been unfaithful
  • you have been unjustifiably dumped
  • you have won a humanitarian award
  • you have come into a lot of unexpected money
  • you have a heartwarming conversation with your prodigal son
  • or you entertain people with something like Shelley Barman's acts
 

Idea: a camera that makes a fart sound when you snap a picture.
 

Someone should invent a virtual mirror: one that would reflect everything but replace yourself with a better looking self, one you would feel good about.
 

Idea for the future: glasses, using real-time computer graphics, that let you see everyone as young and hot.
 

Good Idea: a computer screen that also functions as a tanning lamp.
 

Conversation Battles: contests between couple or small groups to see who can have the best conversation. Also Rules for Conversation Battles: a contest to see who can come up with the best way of judging who has the best conversation.
 

Contests of the Future™: The Like-off
 

Mercury's wings bicycle helmet
 

Idea: large magnetic cross-over plastic bandages for cars.
 

New Ideas in Educational Reform™: you start off being taught by hot teachers. As you fall behind, and fail to turn in assignments, you go to the old and ugly ones.
 

Fake Book Covers™:
  • A Really Good Book
  • Book
  • Ask Me About my Book
 

Idea for a Website: a website that shows how people will look as they age, based on their height, weight, and gender.
 

New Holidays™: An Eff-Off Day (and the even more popular Eff-On Day)
 

How did the mathematical description of bodies with mass, come to be the paradigmatic description of the universe? Is it because that is something we can agree on?
 

Design idea: a 6' diameter 45 rpm record as a design on a wall
 

A real-estate shingle in my front yard with my own sayings. It could just say "Hi!"
 

Idea: cars shaped like human heads as they drive around town.
 

If gasoline become ever more expensive we will all have to commute. But with whom? A web-based company could link up commuters not only on their destination but on their personal and intellectual interests as well.
 

idea: a dress made out of money.
 

Idea of a Conversational Interest Tree: Everyone has a controller linked to a computer or a computer controlled "conversation pet.". As someone is talking, people can make the pet thrive and jump about if they indicate they are interested.
 

Why not design the modern barrio: simple shelters with the bare amenities for a safe and simple life.
 

In The World of the Future: people will embed a mechanism whereby we can have fizzy urine, or to surprise and delight the ladies, carbonated sperm.
 

What about opening a restaurant and you decorate it with pretty people just to sit there? Perhaps, for a fee, the customer could talk to them.
 

What about a car built like a motorcycle, flamboyant and colorful, pipes and chrome everywhere, with the engine and exhausts draped around the chassis?
 

Idea: clothing that lets the wind blow on our bodies without showing the body to the world.
 

Idea: a Gay Pride baseball cap
 

idea: a baseball cap with "LOVE" written on it in red letters
 

During the next lull in your conversation, ask: "Do I smell too good? Is that bothering anyone?"
 

An art work of nature: a river going one-way and fifty yards up the road a river going in the opposite direction.
 

A man purse like a large scrotum. (It could even have a little hair on it.)
 

Since we have decaf coffee and non-alcoholic beer, perhaps the time is ripe for non-THC marijuana? For those times you want to enjoy the taste and the experience of a nice doob without all those wacky mind-alterations.
 

Idea: deep-fried sushi
 

Idea: a door chime that plays MP3 files.
 

Idea: a diet food pack of the greatest 1400 calories ever
 

Idea for a conversational T-Shirt (in big print): I Talk Good
 

a deodorant that looks like an iPod
 

a cell-phone ring-tone that sounds like a fart.
 

Idea: a three-dimensional mirror
 

Idea: A clip-on cellphone in the shape of a pencil behind ear.
 

Edgy street art idea: Paint numerous chalk outlines of a horrible accident involving a school-bus of young girls, or a large family in a mini-van. All the bodies are in different positions and done in different colored hot-pastel chalks.
 

a practical joke airplane: a plane that takes off backwards
 

Idea: Libraries should have neo-scriptoriums, places where people could be writing books and also talking about it to others
 

Idea: the "look at me" exhibit: people (models, gallery goers) stand or sit very still while other gallery goers can look at them close up and in detail as though they are works of art
 

Idea: house curtains made out of slips
 

Idea: explicit pornographic images carved in fine Carrera marble.
 

Idea: a large plastic oversized book to be used as a purse or a carrying container.
 

An idea for a hip district for people who email, IM, text and talk: Inside-Out: Everyone is in huge rooms where the walls are computer screens. As they email, IM etc. Their computer screens, phone texting screens and even their audio are projected onto the walls as a huge collage where everyone can see them.
 

The Have a Nicest Day contest™ a contest in the office to see who has the nicest day. Afterward, the winner gets to hug the losers.
 

People should wear little buttons to indicate their current level of boredom. a little fire might blaze up when they are enjoying the conversation, or die down when they are bored. (This could be controlled biometrically, or by hand.)
 

Idea: The Seventy Plus cable channel: showing nothing but people seventy years old and over, especially the wise, interesting and intellectually alive. This is not for the ones whose main appeal is that they don't look seventy
 

Idea: a coffee heat sink. A fork with a hundred long tines you put into a cup of coffee to cool it down enough so you can drink it
 

We bring children to be photographed with Santa. How about alternative picture opportunities for the tourists: picture yourself with a homeless person, a toothless person, a hooker or a Goth.
 

Idea: Inflatable/deflatable breast implants! Breast implants can be heavy and this can lead to back problems. Why not have a way to reduce them (or inflate them) as conditions dictate? "This crowd is too old; I think I'll deflate my breasts."
 

Idea: a carrying case for books and computers and things in the shape of a big book
 

A movie idea: Put a small portable video recorder on a person and record eight actual hours in their day. Do this to ten people. Then refilm the actual events, minute by minute, in Hollywood quality movie.
 

Local news in too hysterical. What about having the morning news as three or four people sitting around a table, with coffee, tired, reading the AP bulletins to us. They are making intelligent, sometimes tentative, comments.
 

Idea: A movie that lasts say 8 hours, on "real time," about someones life for 8 hours, yet it's an exciting 8 hours.
 

Idea for an Art Exhibit: Go Ahead and Touch Me: People of all kinds stand in a big room. People may come up and touch them, gently, anywhere. The people being touched look at the people touching them, but they do not say anything. A variant of the above: People may touch or they may volunteer to be the ones being touched.
 

Idea: self-tuning, self-synchronizing guitars, and pianos.
 

Idea: audio ear-buds styled as earrings
 

Idea: a chalk outline rug
 

the wonderbounce™: a bra that simulates the bounce of a young girl not wearing a bra.
 

the bongomobile: a car with a drum-pad built in all along the roofline for your fingers to tap a rhythm along with your favorite song. the drum could come out on the speakers, blended with the music
 

Idea: To discourage common cheating in schools: someone should invent software that you can't copy or paste into, or even open pages not created in that particular software. You would however be able to copy and edit inside the document.
 

Idea: slowly blinking light bulbs for your home, which blinks stately every several minutes or so
 

IDEA: a new hallmark card: get real soon
 

IDEA: a cable channel of Civilized People®: There could be alternative versions of this concept. Alternative mind-styles. Alternative models of being normal. You could simply show groups of like-minded friends who had been hanging out together over time, interviewing them, picking their brains. Let us see them us.
 

With extra bandwidth available in the future, we could make a movie (say of a train-ride) where the viewer can focus in more on the part of the film scene they want to look at! This could be done using a joystick or a device that tracks eye movement.
 

IDEA: to enhance the drive-around-town-with-the-windows-open-listening-to-music experience: put a fat (child-safe) bass string in the roof line, just above the driver's door. the driver can then strum along with the music as she or he drives. chords could be changed by using buttons on the back of the steering wheel. an automobass!
 

IDEA: ring tones for cars: a unique tone and volume for when you lock your car with the remote control
 

designer fire detectors
 

Art idea: People carrying various strange things down a street
 

The modern equivalent of the idealized oil portraits of the rich: What if they made a movie of themselves, or at least a movie-trailer?
 

IDEA: have someone create an idealized 3D portrait of you
 

I could place every book I buy inside a dark translucent plastic box with a snap hinge. on the spine and on the cover I would write down what I think this book will do for me. I call this boox.
 

IDEA: Virtual Church - have a service, meet your fellow worshipers, whose stories, a little more real and interesting that people's real-life stories, are based on real people, people from all over the world. The software makes any song sound like a congregation in church that is singing along with you
 

IDEA: someone should make well designed, professional looking faux book covers for your non-existent novel
 

IDEA: a plot machine computer game. you could play all sides, result could be a novel. takes place () the present () year _______. at certain places you could add a powerful quote. at the end, the novel is played back as a video, complete with dialog, or produced as a written book, which you could edit, or as a screen play
 

IDEA: a conversational cafe (eat and meet) where you go to have discussions with random strangers. you could sign up on a computer who would tell you what other topics people want to discuss and, possibly, the age of the conversationalist
 

another car design: a copper car! perhaps nicely riveted.
 

IDEA: a car whose surface is a mirror. a car that is all chrome
 

a new kind if dance club: everyone is wearing headphones, all broadcasting the same dance music. each person is free to control they're own volume, or even take the headphones off. with a suitable device, people could communicate intelligently with each other while dancing, avoiding the hopelessly loud shouting that goes on in the current venues
 

Cities look the same all over the world. This is in part because of their monochromatic fluorescent lights and tan furniture. If buildings used more colored lights and they would be more festive.
 

In my future you could wear a bright red button that would say something like "Talk To Me." It would then be permissible for strangers to speak to you. The button might have a transmitter that shows others what you want to talk about.
 

Instead of a get-well card, how about a get-over-it card, or a get-over-yourself card? for more extreme conditions we could use a here's-hoping-there's-an-afterlife card
 

a book of deathbed readings
 

a business opportunity for our time: fake senior ids (to get the senior discounts)
 

speed friendships (like speed dating)
 

novel bloopers
 

the Harley-Davidson walker
 

a tattoo made with pigments you can turn on and off
 

the New England rocking toilet
 

the Lazy-Boy reclining toilet
 

for the ladies, a combination phone, vibrator and stun gun
 

a dress made entirely out of dress labels.
 

Some people believe that most slang comes from young, inner city kids. Not always. Tonight [January 26, 2004] I invent the phrase: "That is so fuck!"
 

new school punctuation Old School punctuation, sometimes called "proper" or "correct" grammar, likes its punctuation nested. For example: "I ate my lunch (and it was delicious)" said John. New School grammar, or "hip" or "experimental" grammar, wants to write things like : "I ate my lunch (and it was delicious" said) John. We can expand communication by adopting an atonal grammar, a nu skhool grammar. These are not false notes but differently enabled notes for a new kind of communication. We might explore the possibilities of: Random ap'ostrophes. Punctuation in the !middle of a sen.tence Bob ,he said .I love your. ca'r. A period inside a long pronounce.itation. &em;em-dashes every.where&em;
 

couldn't someone make a cute Plimsoll line to stick on the side of the tub so you would know how high to fill it for a nice full submersible bath?
 

a service to provide food packages from countries you have visited. For example, Gwen and I visited Guadeloupe. We would like a package of common Guadeloupian food: sugar, paté, matches, etc.
 

Here's a good idea - the seven day weekend
 

With today's technology, why are cars still painted in monochromatic colors? what about cars: painted like an appaloosa, mottled with spots? or painted like a beagle, with a black top, a brown front, and a white underbelly? painted like a python fish, a Gila monster, a neon tetra, or an angel fish?
 

Stupid Safety Tips™: label every rock in every park as something you might trip over.
 

deodorant for dogs, put it on his balls and refresh his breath as well
 

artificial fire-flies for your house, flying in patterns, to light it - for ambiance
 

Annoying Safety Tip©: The world is a hard-hat area, with hard-gloves and hard underwear
 

Annoying Safety Tip©: really big lights on all stoplights.
 

Annoying Safety Tip©: always drive with your horn on, so other drivers will always be aware that you are coming.
 

Annoying Safety Tip©: All passwords must contain at least 2 Chinese characters
 

a turn signal for cars that turns itself off automatically after say sixty seconds
 

Fun idea: soda pop that opens violently no matter what you do.
 

programmable shoes that squeak, make farting noises, beings and other sounds while you are walking.
 

a pin-on heart for my sleeve
 

bad breath mints - that make your breath smell bad (useful for getting rid of a bad blind date)
 

a franchise of stores selling colored socks and colorful yet stylish men's clothing. it could be called The Gay Store, or, zu-zu suggests, HOMO.
 

a miniature Stonehenge for your yard
 

paraphrase software.